Alyssadarkangel's Journals

summer almost over.

it's May now, and im not doing good, and by not doing good i mean that im just sitting around wasting my precious vacation time. hmmm, let's see..so far we baked brownies, cookies and crinkles just for the fun of it. they tasted pretty good.

here it is! crinkles, it looks delicious because it is delicious. we even pretend to be iron chefs (me as bobby flay). i've also dyed parts of my hair, it's supposed to be gold and with red streaks but it turned about like dusky orange or auburn and it goes well with my black hair. there is a basketball league here, it's cool, people are coming outside every night and cheering for their teams. some arguements here and there, but it's still cool. me and my friends were SUPPOSED to go to Dayo Bar to see Typecast (you could see them in one of my videos). we went there to see a friend of a friend's band to play but i guess it's too good to be true. the plans were crushed. so bummed. in replace for our broken dreams of seeing a freaking great band to perform live, we treated ourselves to vodka!

so it's just one bottle for each of us, big deal but hey we did have some fun.
i wish me and my friends could go swimming to a beautiful, peacful beach. summer is almost over here and i still want to do more things. mehhh..
so that's my update.
xoxo

Revelations(my first fanfic, its a clash between MCR and Paramore)

CHAPTER ONE

It was Friday, the night was cold and the rain was pouring. Frank looked out the window, staring at the water that covered everything in sight.

â�œHey what are you looking at?" his close friend Josh whispered at him while searching what Frank was staring at.

â�œNothing...I was just...â� Frank replied with a big sigh.

â�œMy friend, you are drunk!â� Josh mockingly shouted.

â�œNo Iâ�™m not!!â� denied Frank as he finished the can of beer in his
hand.

They drank about eight icy cans of beer and watched American pie movies in the rest of the night until they fell asleep, a good way of spending a boring Friday night with a friend. The next day came, it was Saturday twelve noon. The two boys were still sleeping in the living room. Suddenly, they were awakened by these familiar voices.

â�œHello?? Is anybody here!?â� its Hayley along with Gerard and his girlfriend Lynz.

â�œWhoa! What happened here?â� Lynz asked, holding an empty can of last nightâ�™s beer.

â�œUhhmmâ�¦errâ�¦we wereâ�¦â� Josh, barely awake, answered.

â�œApparently you guys were getting your freak on last night watching American pie!â� Gerard uttered with a smirk on his face.

â�œYeah Gerard, you should come join us sometime. Itâ�™s really fun once you get your shirt offâ� sarcastically told by frank.

â�œOkay stop it you two, we have to clean up this mess for the big party tonight. I called Zac and Jeremy; theyâ�™re on their way here to fix this place while we go shopping for food and stuffâ� Hayley announced.

â�œRay, Bob and Mikey will also come here soon with the band equipmentâ� Gerard added.

â�œSo what are you guys waiting for? Christmas? Letâ�™s go!â� Frank excitedly cried.

They all left the house and went to the grocery store to fetch food, drinks and other party needs. Bob and the others went to the house and got it ready for an all night partying. Then they went home and prepared food.

â�œHey Frank, Iâ�™ve put some of those little lights thingy in the gardenâ� Zac said.

â�œWhat kind of little lights thingy?â� Frank was puzzled.

â�œWhat he means are those Christmas lightsâ� Mikey suddenly barged in the conversation while he was practicing with his bass guitar.

â�œOh those ones, yeah sure. Iâ�™ve been trying to find those lights for ages! Thanks!â� Frank smilingly said to Zac then continuing to cook the food.

-THE PARTY-

There was a knock on the door, people were already arriving and they all have one intention; to party big time. After a few minutes, the awaited social gathering started. Everybody danced their asses off, music surrounded the venue and lots of people crowded every part of the house. In the middle of the entire frolic, Zac stood on a mini stage that they built on a corner of the living room.

Holding a cup of beverage he spoke to the mic, â�œMay I have your attention please.â� The music was turned down, â�œthank you, so I hope all of you are having a very good time tonight.â�

â�œYESSSS!!!â� everybody shouted.

â�œWell, to get this party more cranked up, My Chemical Romance, the hosts of this party, will play a song for usâ� he added.

Everybody screamed like little fan girls on a Jonas Brothers concert when MCR went to the handmade stage.

â�œAre you sure the neighbors wonâ�™t mind?â� Frank speaking to Jeremy while tuning his guitar.

â�œCome on dude, the neighbors are practically here!â� Jeremy replied, laughing.

The guitars were plugged in and the amps were in full volume, MCR first played their hit song â�œIâ�™m not Okayâ� the people jumped and sang along. In general, everybody was a having a good time. Since, alcohol was passed around, true emotions started to rise.

â�œHave you seen Hayley?â� Frank asked Hannah Beth, a good friend of his.

â�œNo I havenâ�™t, but itâ�™s not that hard finding a pretty orange haired girlâ� Hannah Beth joked.

After searching for a few minutes in a sea of crazy party people, Frank found out that Hayley was outside by the swimming pool. When he saw her, he was on his way on going to sit next to her when he stopped for he saw Josh coming with food and drinks, offering it to Hayley. With second thoughts, he continued to walk but walked slowly towards them. Then he saw Josh put his arm around Hayleyâ�™s shoulder, Josh moved his face closer then kissed Hayley in the lips. Frank was immediately devastated by what he saw. He walked away and resumed to party trying not to look affected. The party ended around 5 in the morning; most of them got the energy to go home while some of them were too drunk and tired to even get up, so they stayed at the house to get some rest.

---------------------------------------
this is my first time making a fanfic. so i guess im not that good comments would be nice..

First of summer..

so its sunday today. so far my vacation is not really what i thought it would be. everyone is going on vacation(duh!). my friend Ishang went to their province with her family for the holy week which made this week a little more boring. i wanted to visit grandma like for two days or so but my mom is "too" busy going to her no good boyfriend's house. she is there all day and goes home just to take a bath. she even brings her boyfriend's niece which she always compare me to. "you look like her when you were just a kid." AARRGGGHHH!! im sick of it. im sick of always whining about how my family sucks and how i want us to function as a family. im sure my friends are sick of hearing that too. sometimes i just feel that i want to give up. no one seems to care anyway but i wont. im still hoping theres a bright future to all of this(corny eh?).
okay so moving on(i think you've had enough of my "emo" moment). me and my friends made these music videos, we were basically just jumping around and rocking out with a pen/hairbrush as a mic and a broom as a guitar, as a result of boredom, i hope i could post those soon.
i wish i had a really really nice camera, with 10 or 11 megapixels or something so i could just record all of this. and i want to be an internet star, for the moment,not like chris crocker(who is known for his "leave britney alone!" breakdown) but like AmazingPhil on youtube. his videos are awesome! i love it! and because of him, im learning how to speak in a british accent, i dunno im crazy.
so, i guess that's enough for my update. i'll be going to update some more throughout the summer so watch out for that.
hope you'll have a good vacation. be sure to share your stories to me, i'd love to hear them.
xoxo

hmmm...what can i say? im me i guess....

im alyssa (obvious)..well, if i'd tell you my whole story, it would take like ten years coz i have many interesting tales of my life so far. at my age, i have been through a lot.

im a filipina, and im not afraid to admit it! hehe.. im not that typical 14 year old girl who is into what's new about paris hilton or what's the latest trend. although im interested in fashion. in school, i would say that almost everybody knows me, and i dont know why. i have a line of great friends. but i have these vices, i drink, and sometimes, i even smoke.i know that at my age, i dont have the right to have vices coz i dont have a job or anything but because of what i have been through, and what i am going through right now, i have done it. i mean, one more mistake and i would be a drop out!. but now, im trying to be good as can be..here in buzznet, i guess im an outcast, i dont really fit in with other groups but its not sad, i get to speak what i think about.love me or hate me i dont care.

i guess, i want to be known, and popular at that. maybe that's why im posting this journal right now. i want to be heard. i want people to know my story. i want them to be aware that not everyone has it good. that eventhough you go through hard problems, you could still live and move on.

hmmm...there, are many people posting journals like this, some maybe better, some maybe worse. and for my age, i guess the chances are 1 to a million. i just want to be big! hehe..so i could prove not just to anyone, but myself, that i can do something good for once...XD

signing off...alyssa

unblessed...

She fakes a happy smile
Each and everyday
Faking all her happiness
Throwing her life away

She really wants to move on
Forget he was ever there
But sheâ�™s drowned within her sorrows
Sinking in despair

She pretends that she canâ�™t hear them
They think she doesnâ�™t know
But she does, and it doesnâ�™t help her
Since she always feels so low

She watches as the tears well up
Then start flowing down her cheeks
She canâ�™t fake happy anymore
Sheâ�™s been doing this for weeks

Nobody there has noticed
That she really isnâ�™t ok
They probably wouldnâ�™t look for her
If she decided to run away

She might decide to tell someone
She might decide to speak
She needs someone to help her through
Sheâ�™s starting to feel weak

Maybe she needs to just pretend
That she doesnâ�™t really care
And let it eat her up inside
Carrying on this nightmare

Maybe she really should fake it
Until her dull life comes to an end
But then whatâ�™s the point of living at all
She has no one on which to depend

It isnâ�™t really her fault
That sheâ�™s always so depressed
But sheâ�™s all alone in this mixed up world
Unloved, unknown, unblessedâ�¦

mama...

im trying to change, but it seems to me that you dont even give a shit that want to change...i know i have messed up bigtime, but cant you see that i have learned my lesson?! damn! i didnt thought it would be this way. up to this point im still in pain, i want to kill myself. dont you think that its not only your problem too? i wanted to stop myself too, i was just waiting for someone to help me and i thought that was gonna be you. ma, im so SORRY. please forgive me. i didnt meant to hurt you. im just going through a phase, and i just want you to understand...i've got nothing more to say..just, sorry....

++++--''hoping for the best''--++++

i wish i'd go to rehab..

this has been the lowest point of my life yet. i went home around 4 a.m drunk. my mother, was bursting angry! i had nothing to do but take what she had to say. i was disappointed of myself. i have changed bigtime and i mean big. last year, i was just a simple teen. busy in studying, barely going outside of our house. but look at me now, i drink three to two times a week. its usual that i go home late at a friday night and drunk and i have low scores on my card. i wouldnt want to watse my life on such dirty things but i have. this alyssa is someone i have never met. i never thought i'd be like this. its not good

now, my mom wants me to drop out of highschool. she said i was full of vices. and that i was just wasting time and money. although i was getting tired of going to school, i didnt want to stop. i want to have a better future but i guess that would just be a dream. i want to stop what i am doing. i want to start things all over again. i wish there was someone who could help me on getting through with this. but i guess no one understands me....

i know. no body would be reading such a dramtic and emotional post like this. everything i have wrote is true. i dont care if you would believe it or not.

im gonna cry myself to sleep tonight....again....

help me

look at me, what have i become..i smoke, i drink, i go home around 12 in the morning.with the age of 14, i think im lost. tho i want to stop it, i cant. its really hard when your friends around you does the same. and its really hard coz it feels good. with all these problems i cant help but do these vices. i've tried suicide, but all it has done to me was this scar. sometimes i wish life has a pause button, so i could just take a rest from all my suffering. most people say that this beautiful face was a waste coz all of these vices. they say my friends are bad influence. i want to stop. but no one can help me. no one even understands me. god give me strength.

feelings in the rain

what is happiness on a day so blue?
what is to be happy without you?
where is laughter that i need the most?
where is comedy, the comedian, the
host?

why am i feeling this yellow and blue?
why to dears fall and cry for you?
when did my heart hurt this much?
when did my heart in your hands you
clutch?

black roses fell last May,
red roses brought dismay..
mixed in the flood of tears and blood,
mixed in the sorrow or feelings and
mud..

how am i to be without you?
how am i to live a life that's new?
when you hold me still bound in love,
chained and pleading for you to have..

for blossoms of cherry fly in the air,
yet the pain of love's despair..
when will time let me go?
whe could i say to you forever no..

underdogs and losers reign the earth,
depriving it for what it's worth..
for now the march of the broken begin,
bleeding hearts and angst within..

early mourns....

confusion leads to serious
emotion....im gonna die if i dont let
this go....i need to move on and be
strong so i can hold on....

forgive me im mistaken....i didnt
meant for it to happen....for i am a
mere mortal in this world full of love
and tragedy....

someday im gonna make things
right....someday, im gonna make all of
you proud....all i wanna do is make
you happy even if it takes my life....

oh how i wish i could see your smiling
face when my world has come to an
end....now i realized that i am
wrong....for giving you a heart worth
breaking....

as i bid goodbye to the memories we've
had, this one question i must ask....

are you happy now??....

by undying love....